Fractals of my Journey

***This post was inspired by a journal prompt that my partner and I are sharing with the public. Visit my instagram, @FlowingWithAri for more information about this scholarship opportunity for a chance to win a free spot to our embodied wombyn's Reiki retreat, Awaken Your Magic!***

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Prompt:

What was the first time you felt inspired to connect more deeply with the energy (prana, Shakti, life-force, qi) in and all around you?

I cannot recall the very first time that I felt connected to a deeper energy. For me, my connection with Shakti feels very deep-rooted, and I cannot pinpoint a beginning. It was challenging to only write about the first memories I had with energetic awakenings, so I felt inspired to write more about my journey.

I recall instances where I would have philosophical conversations with my mother about our own existence on this planet in this lifetime, from a very young age. I remember asking her about deja vu sometime around +/- 7 years old, and she held up a rubber band and folded one side over the middle, creating the infinity shape, explaining to me that time was not linear. Time, to her, was something more intricate. She explained that deja vu was likely a result of us crossing a spot in our time ”line” where we had already visited before.

So I kept this in mind as I grew and when I learned about reincarnation, I thought, was it possible that we could all be experiencing the same happenings over and over again as a karmic process…that we would be sort of “stuck” in this time loop until we truly, on a deeper level, had learned our lessons and our soul was free to move onto the next journey?

I remember being very in tune with my loved ones who had passed onto the other side…some of them whom I had never met. I would wake up from clear and vivid dreams, sometimes nightmares, of these beings and others that would still be there with me upon awaking. I was always able to see spirits, mainly at night time. For a while, I admit, I was scared to sleep. Perhaps my somewhat active mind led to me finding some control over my dream world. I found a Scholastic dream journal at a book fair and began to decode my dreams in elementary school. As I learned more about dreams, I realized that I had been lucid dreaming all along. I had always felt connected to the moon, the aliveness of the night time, the dream world, and the spirit world. I feel that my close connection with grief and death have led to a stronger connection to rebirth and renewal as well, and these have been consistent life-changing themes in my life.

I discovered the practice of yoga in middle school, during a time where I had dis-ordered eating, depression, and anxiety. These symptoms were a result of avoiding my truth, that I had more power that I was not giving myself credit for. I kept trying to shrink myself, literally and figuratively. However, my larger transformations began when I discovered Core Energetics, a psychosomatic form of therapeutic bodywork in my adolescence. I started to work through my victimhood and my trauma, and I took accountability for the life that I had created, regardless of my “predispositions” in the energetically and physically-manifested sense. I began to find more comfort and LIFE inside my body, my temple that I had shamed for so long. My asana practice started to move into refinement, my body-mind awareness improved, my dance movements became bigger, and I was no longer afraid to take up space. I felt less shy in dance and less reserved with my feminine body overall. I had been stifling my sensuality for so long out of fear and shame…but when I learned how to unlock this power of my energy body (especially the space of the Svadhisthana/Sacral chakra), there was no turning back. I could no longer refrain from feeling my emotions, my feelings, my intuition, my body…even if I wanted to.

My journey of awakening and connecting energetically continues til this day. Working through my blocks and beliefs that I was just not good enough to become ANY kind of leader led to my completion completed my yoga teacher training, reiki practitioner and master teacher trainings, psychedelic peer support training, and Global Sisterhood Moon Circle training, amongst other trainings and academic achievements. Not only do I personally find awakening via academia, but through learning about the knowledge and wisdom that others have channeled from the past into the present. As I study Tantric Ayurveda and Shamanic Energy medicine, I find power in these ancient practices that provide awakening in our Life Force Energy in ways that are more difficult to access via other more traditional practices.

A very significant part of my journey for me was finding sobriety 2.5 years ago. After years of consistently experimenting with substances in ways that were serving as a recreational escape for me, even while I was having spiritual awakenings, I knew that I needed to clear my vessel in order to live out my true Dharma in this world. Since then, the downloads have been more clear and I am able to sit with my emotions in a more embodied way. About a year and a half ago or a little more, I began consciously microdosing plant medicine. This has changed my life, and I am happy to share my stories with you. I have found freedom in my body, in my life, and within my relationships. We are boundless creatures, seeking freedom through healing...I am elated to have such a close relationship with this medicine and I look forward to sharing some of this wisdom with you.

I aim to live an embodied life, full of feeling and emotion…the beautiful ones, the difficult ones, the not-so beautiful-looking ones. I am committed to sitting with others and their emotions, to asking the right questions to help them on their own journey of renewal, to simply helping them realize the power that they have so deeply rooted within them to self-heal, and to urge them to embody their own true essence.

Choose Love,

Ari xoxox